I think writing about what has happened will ultimately help somehow. But even though I want to do that, the words don't come so easily. Funny that I could be lost for words.
Ten days since Ava died. Feels like a lifetime to me. I know that for Sheye and Crayton it feels like a milisecond and that they have been robbed of time. There is nothing I can do or say to make this better, or different or easier. There is nothing anyone else can do or say. It is not fair. Nor is it logical or reasonable. It is overwhelmingly sad and surreal and the pain is searing. My heart feels broken. My tears are endless. My pain is so great. Whenever I think these things, I am confronted with the fact that Sheye and Crayton's pain is so much more. They now belong to a club of people who have lost a child. Noone wants membership but you get an automatic lifetime deal when you become eligible. Could anything be more cruel? I honestly cannot think of anything more devastating at this moment. Can you?
2 comments:
Not even time can heal some wounds. There is no rationalising life.
Jen,
I have written and deleted this comment countless times. I want to say something poignant and lasting. Something that brings you comfort and soothes your soul. I've got nothing. Same thing when I left a message for Sheye. What is there to say, words are so empty and cannot convey the weight of sorrow. My mind churns and my heart aches and I am so way, way on the periphery of this grief. I simply cannot imagine what you feel, and certainly not how Sheye and Crayton feel. I hope you know how much I love you.
Sus
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